Here I am, a Mexican 23 year old non U.S. resident having ideas on how to become a legal alien in the States and hopefully join the Army eventually…
And so my journey begins, I send letters, Emails, phone calls, nobody wants Mexicans anymore… BUT HEY, who can blame them when we are the second most popular individuals in the welfare line aren’t we?
But why is it that we pursue that “American Dream”, I mean, is our lifestyle really better when we arrive the States? Do we get like super powers that makes us a better person when we see clean streets and impolite people? Is it the money? Is it the language? WHAT IS THE AMERICAN DREAM?
I don’t know what Mexicans pursue when they go desert crossing and river swimming to get to the U.S., the whole point is have a better life, not lose it in the process. What I DO KNOW is what the AMERICAN DREAM means for me; and why it is so hard to see what I’m missing, or what I could be part of.
I’ll begin my idea with a little story, a story that you all know and that started on September 11, 2001. I was on the San Ysidro border, ready to head for the first time to Disneyland, just a couple of minutes after I crossed the border, we heard on the radio that a major accident happened in NY involving an airplane and the Wall Trade Center… Sucks, everything that involve innocent people suffering could never feel right… Anyway, accidents happen so nothing I can do.. Wait what? Another “metal winged object” (as the radio announcer cleverly said) crashed on the other tower… To be honest by now I really didn’t believe it, I thought they may have wrong or mixed info, so I auto brained wash myself to only focus on arriving to Anaheim and for the fist time hug M.M. and take the infamous picture with him… Obviously that never happen, thanks to Osama Beanner Laden (yes I said Beanner don’t trip), my first visit to Disney was only frustrated dreams and Mickey Mouse love…
I know the story is not what you expect as for inspiration, however, it help me realized the amazing level of organization, civility, brotherhood and response, the United States had to offer their people… this opened my eyes to the REAL AMERICAN DREAM and in some sort, it did America as well… If you forget for a second that the war was inspired by oil and just a few people interest, the actual PEOPLE of America has never been so tight and close and love full of their colors and roots. This is what ANYONE as a person could expect from their country, loyalty and unity, regardless of the circumstances. Since that day I thought my place in the world was to do something for the country I truly love… Unfortunately is like being a womann trapped into a men’s body, have you heard that expression? Well that’s how I felt… without the rainbows and gayness.
It is really funny how a couple of days ago in a ceremony I was to pledge honor to my flag (Mexican), but I couldn’t, I couldn’t sing my anthem, I didn’t feel my colors anymore, I am so disappointed of my country and my governors that I really don’t know WHAT IS THERE for me to feel proud about… People robbing people, politicians robbing people, people killing people, politicians killing people, Who are we anyway?… at ANY LEVEL… WE ARE FUCKED!!! Doesn’t matter how much you work or how much you study; if you are not powerful or have powerful contacts, there is nothing out there for you but a mediocre lifestyle with no meaning.
I know people on this side might get on my back, saying I am an anti patriot or a backstabbing double headed poisonous snake, BUT I DON’T CARE; we need to stop lowering our heads and taking it from behind if we really pretend to make a change in this God forsaken country of ours.
So I said what I believe and this all takes me to the part of the American Nightmare, when a single individual (like me), will like to fight for a color that is not his, Its like Tantalus torment having it so close, having it so clear, being ready to get it, be decided to achieve it, be proud to say it and however, not having the papers to achieve it…
And still here I am, a Mexican 23 year old, speaking out loud for myself and nobody else… What is a nationality if not the pride of the one who carries it? What is a dream if nothing but something you can’t achieve? What determines your colors if not the love you have for them?
To long, to boring… I just leave these lines, knowing nothing will change but hoping someday it could.